Things I Say

[Max Scully]

John Lennon sang about beating his wife, then Philips used it to sell boomboxes and flat screen TVs. I’m not sure how much “better” things really got.

I believe i heard Cynthia say in a interview that John slapped her once when they were teens and apologized profusely afterwards. But, you were probably just making a joke, so why am i writing this? Man I don't know. Why is The Simpsons still running if people are constantly talking about how the show is no longer funny? Someone has to be watching it or they wouldn't be putting out new episodes, so how come i never hear them say that they like the show?

[Garrett Gilchrist]

I've seen people defend recent Simpsons. I'm not sure why. I don't watch the new stuff myself; it might even be helpful to think of it as a new show, as I suspect those watching it are unbothered by nostalgia for the original ten or so seasons.

John Lennon did sing about beating his wife; that is something he did.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

A couple decades ago, one network did a cattle call for ideas at San Diego Comic Con. You could get in line and pitch. I did it but felt it was a PR stunt and I'd wasted my time. I probably got myself on a list somewhere by later (at another event) being very petty and asking the exec in question if they'd bought anything from those pitches. The exec said yes, they bought something from ... someone famous who had already had an animated show on the air, and is best known today for his extreme (and extremely awful) political beliefs.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

"she walked out the door, and she"
rhymes with orange.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

I get why The Matrix Resurrections felt the need to recast Morpheus, and even Agent Smith, but why did they recast Bugs Bunny?

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Joe Biden governs like JJ Abrams made Star Wars films. He proposes something stuck in the past. Someone else proposes something interesting. Then some fake right-wing troll accounts on Twitter DEMAND that they APOLOGIZE for putting an Asian woman in their Star Wars. And a black guy, and a woman with pink hair, and so on. We all laugh at the trolls and how desperate and warped and out of touch they are. Then JJ Abrams comes out and apologizes for putting an Asian woman in Star Wars, and assures them that everyone involved has been fired. Then Biden calls for more police funding and a war in Iran.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Every TV show about high school:
Hey, remember when we'd all put on our disco suits for jazzercise class and have a knife fight on the football field and then we'd meet a talking dog and ride unicycles to the moon

Me: Yeah, so relatable, this is exactly what high school was like

[Garrett Gilchrist]

You know that when right-wingers say "This movie is full of woke" or "The Bible didn't have pronouns in it"

They don't actually mean those words, right?

The words "woke" and "pronouns" are standing in for specific slurs. Find and replaced.

You get that, right?

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Jon Oliver just did a segment about inflation which was the economic equivalent of discussing Santa Claus while believing Santa Claus is real.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

It's always "we can't help you because we're booked, come back in two months," then "we can't help you because your medical insurance covers basically nothing," then "we can't help you because you're too far gone and we can't save it now"