Transformers: The Movie (Ik Moven den Toyen Kulen) As told to Garrett Gilchrist of Monty Pythonís PythoNET Visit http://orangecow.org/pythonet Based upon an original transcript by ? NOTE: You may be wondering what a transcript of "Transformers: The Movie" is doing at PythoNET. It's not exactly Monty Python, is it? But as it happens Eric Idle has an interesting cameo in it as Wreck-Gar, king of the Junk Planet, so as it was already out there in some form we thought it was worth tossing in. The film seems to have come out in several different versions but it's mostly the same, and available on video. My version seems to have come from Canada. The film came out in 1986 (?) and also had a soundtrack album released. Here, then, is a full, unofficial transcript of the smashingly violent full-length feature starring everyone's favorite mutant robots, THE TRANSFORMERS! Enjoy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE ----------------------- The Dino de Laurentis lion logo whirls up, followed by those for Sunbow entertainment and Marvel (yes, the comic book folks) Productions. Teaser ------ Shot of space, we see a binary star system. A large, evil-looking sphere (Unicron) moving into view between the 2 stars. Change to shot of a planet. Various views on planet. Happy, prosperous. Populated entirely by Transformer-type robots. Two robots walking along corridor; they enter a lab and a third robot takes some beakers from them and places them on table; they shake and fall on the ground breaking apart. Kranix: Orbulus, look! It's Unicron! Unicron starts to eat the planet. Devastating scene. Blinding flashes of light. Everything is being destroyed. Kranix: The ships! Get to the ships, it's our only chance! Robots run to ships. Two launch, one is sucked back into Unicron. Orbulus: Kranix! AAAARGH!!! Views of Unicron digesting the entire planet and powering up. Utter silence. Nothing but stars. Roll impressive heavy-metal version of Transformers theme song. Singers: Transformers Transformers More than meets the eye Transformers Robots in disguise Etc. TITLE: "THE TRANSFORMERS" TITLE: "THE MOVIE" Roll credits over space background. Credit given to some of the more famous members of the cast, in alphabetical order, even if they have only a small part in the film. ERIC IDLE as Wreck-Gar (heavy applause from audience :) Even if it is just a cameo) JUDD NELSON as Hot Rod LEONARD NIMOY as Galvatron ROBERT STACK as Ultra Magnus LIONEL STANDER as Kup (had no idea Stander was famous...) ORSON WELLES as Unicron Co-starring JOHN MOSCHITTA as Blurr (not famous either, is he?) All right, so there were 2 non-famous folks in there who were down just because they figured in the film, but still... =) Main theme ends. Credits continue, but not worth transcribing. (Note: On some versions the following voiceover is deleted.) Voice over: There's an evil new force in the universe. A monster planet that devours everything in its path ... and it's heading for the small planet of Cybertron, where a unique race of transforming robots continue to fight a civil war, a war between good and evil that has raged for millions of years. The evil Decepticon transformers, led by the maniacal Megatron, have sworn to crush their enemies, the Autobots. To this end they have relentlessly pursued them across the galaxy, from planet Cybertron to planet Earth and back again. But the heroic Autobot transformers and their courageous leader Optimus Prime are not easily defeated. Scene 1 ------- Voice over as we see a view of Cybertron getting closer. Catch sight of Laserbeak as he comes closer. Follow Laserbeak to moonbase one where we see a small glimpse of the base there, he then starts spying on Prime etc. Voice over: It is the year 2005. The treacherous Decepticons have conquered the Autobots' home planet of Cybertron. But, from secret staging grounds on two of Cybertron's moons the valiant Autobots prepare to retake their homeland. Show the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime. Tall and simply-colored. Has an air of leadership about him. Optimus: Ironhide, report to me at once. Ironhide is sitting at a large bank of monitors. Ironhide: Every time I look into a monitor Prime, my circuits sizzle... when are we gonna start busting decepti-chops? Optimus: I want you to make a special run to Autobot city on Earth. Ironhide: But Prime! Optimus: Listen Ironhide, we don't have enough energon cubes to power a full scale assault. Ready the shuttle for launch. He does. Ironhide: Your days are numbered now Decepticreeps! Ironhide moves off towards the shuttle. Optimus: Jazz, report security status. Jazz appears on monitor. Jazz: No signs of Decepticons here Prime! Optimus: What about moonbase 2? Jazz: Jazz to moonbase 2, Jazz to moonbase 2! Bumblebee and Spike come on the screen. Spike is a human (!) in a large mechanical suit. Bumblebee: Bumblebee and Spike here. Jazz: We're about to send up a shuttle, any Decepticon shenanigans in your area? Bumblebee: All clear, Jazz! Spike: Hey Ironhide, tell my son Daniel I miss him, and tell him not to worry, I'll be coming home just as soon as we've kicked Megatron's tail across the galaxy. Ironhide: (giving thimbs-up) Will do, Spike. Optimus: Cliffjumper, commence countdown. Cliffjumper: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... blast off! It does. Optimus: Now all we need is a little energon, and a lot of luck. Laserbeak, the Decepticon spy, returns to the Decepticon base on Cybertron. The base is dark and a bit squalid-looking in comparison to the relatively pleasant Autobot base. Shockwave: Laserbeak returns, Megatron. Laserbeak perches briefly on the arm of Megatron, the Decepticon leader. Megatron: Welcome Laserbeak! Unlike some of my other warriors you never fail me. Soundwave, play back Laserbeak's findings. Soundwave: As you command. Soundwave replays parts of what Laserbeak saw in the Autobots moonbase. Different angle than seen earlier. Optimus: I want you to make a special run to Autobot city Earth. Ironhide: But Prime! Optimus: Listen Ironhide, we don't have enough energon cubes to power a full scale assault. Ready the shuttle for launch. Optimus: Now all we need is a little energon, and a lot of luck. Megatron: (smiling slyly) More than you can imagine, Optimus Prime. Scene 2 ------- The interior of an Autobot shuttle. Brawn, Ironhide, Prowl and Ratchet are onboard. The side blows open and in come the Decepticons. Brawn: Megatron! Decepticon Army: Decepticons...! Megatron: Die Autobots! Megatron transforms into blaster and is held by Starscream, who shoots Brawn. Prowl shoots at constructicons who return fire killing Prowl. Ironhide and Ratchet both spin round and attack in unison but are finished off by Starscream with Megatron who then transforms into robot mode. Megatron: This was almost too easy Starscream. Starscream: (raspy, high-pitched voice) Much easier, almighty Megatron, than attacking the real threat - the Autobots moonbase. Megatron: You're an idiot Starscream! Once we slip past their early warning systems in their own shuttle and destroy Autobot city, the Autobots will be vanquished forever. We see Ironhide's arm, on the florr, twitching and grabbing for Megatron's leg. Ironhide is fighting with his dying breath... Ironhide: ...No! Megatron: (contemptuously) Such heroic nonsense. Megatron coldly shoots Ironhide. Scene 3 ------- Earth. Hot Rod and Daniel (a human boy) are fishing. Pleasant scene. Hot Rod: Fish are jumping today huh Danno? Daniel: (sadly) Guess so... Hot Rod: Hey, what's the matter? Daniel: Ah, I dunno Hot Rod. Hot Rod: Come on, you can tell me. Daniel: Guess I just miss my dad. Hot Rod: Don't worry, Spike will be back soon. Oh hey! I caught something. Show a feisty fish thrashing about. It is caught. Daniel: Whoa, look at the size of it! Hot Rod holds up the fish to his own enormous robot body and it seems but a speck... Hot Rod: Yep it's a whopper alright. Something starts to beep. Daniel: Hot Rod! The shuttle's coming - let's watch it land! Hot Rod: Talk about dull, Daniel. Daniel: Hurry, or we'll miss it! Daniel jumps onto a hover board and promptly crashes it. Hot Rod: If you're gonna ride Danno, ride in style. Hot Rod transforms into a sports car and gives Daniel a ride. Shot of city base. Daniel: Hey, lets stop here! Hot Rod: Why settle for a peek Daniel, when you can see everything from look out mountain? We see Kup, the old timer, at the head of a construction site. Kup: (directing construction) A little to the left, a little bit more... Hot Rod crashes through a road block. Kup: Turbo revvin young punk, I'll straighten you out yet! Daniel and Hot Rod reach the look out, Daniel looks through a sort of telescope and sees the shuttle. Daniel: Hot Rod look! There's a hole in the shuttle! Hot Rod: What? (looks through binocular type things) Decepticons! (opens fire) Kup: What's that darn fool doing? Megatron: Attack! The attack begins proper, Megatron blasts look-out mountain. Hot Rod: Daniel! Daniel: Aaaaaaah! Blitzwing: Come on down, Autobrat. Kup deals with Blitzwing and Shrapnel. Hot Rod: Not bad for an old timer. Kup: Old timer? That's something you'll never be if you don't get back to the city! Hot Rod: Save it Kup, lets burn rubber. Shots of Decepticons attacking and Perceptor (a foppish type who transforms into surveying equipment) examining the situation. Perceptor: Ultra Magnus, a cursory evaluation of Decepticon capabilities indicates a distinct tactical deficiency. Ultra Magnus: In other words, Perceptor? Springer: We're outnumbered... Ultra Magnus: Springer, you and Arcee transform Autobot city. Perceptor, tell Blaster to radio Prime for reinforcements. Blurr: WhatAboutMeMagnus,WhatAboutMe?muhmmmmhmmmmm. ICanHelp, IWannaHelp,WhatAboutMe? Ultra Magnus: Blurr, you can help me alert the others. Blurr: AbsolutelyPositivelyDefinitely,NobodyCanGetTheJobDoneFasterThanICan, NobodyNobodyNobody! Springer: Come on Arcee, lets go! Arcee is the token female here. Arcee: But Hot Rod and Kup are still outside the city! Springer: We can't wait, they'll have to take care of themselves, come on! Shot of Starscream chasing Springer and Arcee down a trench which starts to be sealed at the top by a big heavy looking construct of shutters. Starscream: Pathetic fools, there's no escape! Starscream escapes the trench catching his foot and has to blast it to escape. Starscream: Ohhhhh! My foot! Shots of Arcee and Springer transforming Autobot city. Megatron watches and tries to blast open an entranceway. Megatron: Breach their defenses! On fly Shrapnel and Kickback (two small insects) who begin to eat the entranceway Megatron tried to shoot earlier. Kickback: Delicious, eh Shrapnel? Shrapnel: A little heavy on the electrons, electrons. We see Kup and Hot Rod racing up towards the entranceway. Kup: The insecticons are in our way. Hot Rod: Wrong! They're our way in! Yaaaa! (Jumps over the gap between the road and the entranceway, knocking the 2 Insecticons as he does so) Kup then runs over Kickback's head and knocks Shrapnel away from the entranceway which reseals itself with another door. We cut to shot of Perceptor entering Blasters communication tower. Blaster: Look out shout, owww! Hey Perceptor, what's shaking over this fortress? Perceptor: Blaster, Ultra Magnus sends orders to contact Optimus Prime on moonbase 1. Blaster: Alright, cover your receptors Perceptor. (transforms and connects with his chair) Optimus Prime, do you read me, the Decepticons are blitzing Autobot city; we're really taking a pounding! Don't know how much longer we can hold out. We see Megatron notice the communication. Megatron: Soundwave, jam that transmission. Soundwave: (while ejecting the said tapes) Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat eject operation interference. Blaster: Optimus Prime, do you read me, the Decepticons are blitzing Autobot city, we're really taking (static; he is cut off as Frenzy etc. rip out the satellite dish.) Frenzy: First we crack the shell, then we crack the nuts inside. Frenzy and Rumble smash the Tower window and all tapes go for Perceptor to begin with. Perceptor: Hey, run Blaster, save yourself. Blaster: No way, two can play! Sic 'em. Rewind, Eject, Ramhorn, and Steeljaw eject and fight off the Decepticon tapes. Perceptor: Do you think you got through to Prime? Blaster: Let's hope so, cause if I didn't we're all gonna look like burnt out toaster ovens. Views of the Decepticons and Autobots fighting. Total armageddon. Blurr: We'veGotDecepticonsAtTheGate,DecepticonsInTheAir,Decepticons InsideTheWallsDecepticonsDecepticonsDecepticons.IfWeBeatThemOnThe Walls,They'reStillInTheAir,WeShootThemOutTheAir,They'reStillAtThe Gate.SoWhereDoesThatLeaveUs?NowhereThatsWhere! Cut to Springer pushing an immensely heavy launcher into position. Springer: Come on Arcee, we've gotta get this launcher into place, Megatron's making his big push, and we got to push back. Kup, Hot Rod, and Daniel enter. They try to help. Kup: Keep at it Springer my boy, help's at hand... Together now. Arcee: I was afraid you'd be caught outside the city. Hot Rod: Hey, I wasn't worried for a microsecond! Arcee: Then you probably didn't understand the situation. They keep pushing. Kup: That did it. Megatron: Constructicons, merge for the kill. Daniel: (spying) Kup, Hot Rod, look! The Constructicons (small yellow and purple robots) merge to form Devastator (one really big yellow and purple robot). Kup: Devastator! Devastator: Prepare for extermination. Springer: I got better things to do tonight than die. Devastator attacks. The launcher is launched. Devastator survives. More total destruction. The Autobots put up a brave battle but by time we see the sun rise up it looks hopeless for the Autobots. Megatron: Their defenses are broken. Let the slaughter begin! The shuttle flies in. Optimus: Dinobots, destroy Devastator. Grimlock: Me Grimlock love challenge! (They jump from the shuttle) Dinobots... transform! Dinobots transform and attack Devastator. They fight to a draw. Like several other folks who have worked on these transcripts I too believe that neither side wins. Optimus: Megatron must be stopped, no matter the cost. Optimus, now a huge tractor trailer truck, charges through and knocks down or shoots the assembled Decepticons. He finds Megatron lurking in a bunker. Megatron: Prime! Prime: One shall stand, one shall fall. Megatron: Why throw away your life so recklessly? Optimus: That's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron. Megatron: No! I'll crush you with my bear hands. Megatron and Optimus fight. Hot Rod: I've got to help Prime. Kup: Stay away lad, that's Prime's fight. Megatron wounds Prime with a wooden stake... impressive fight. Megatron: I'll rip out your optics! He fails to do so, and Prime tosses him for a loop. Kup: Finish him off Prime, do it now! Megatron, down, spots a blaster. Megatron: (faking) No more, Optimus! Grant me mercy, I beg of you. Optimus: You who are without mercy, now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff. Megatron hops up and into attack. Hot Rod: No you don't Megatron. Optimus: Out of the way Hot Rod! Megatron: (blasting wildly) Fall... fall! He does. I would have waited an eternity for this. It's over, Prime. Optimus: N-n-never! With one mighty whack he knocks Megatron into next week and then lays down to die. Hot Rod: (kneeling) Optimus, forgive me. Starscream: (laughing) How do you feel now mighty Megatron? Astrotrain, transform and get us out of here. (leaves) Megatron: (weakly) Don't leave me Soundwave! Soundwave bends to help his master. Soundwave: As you command Megatron. Arcee: The Decepticons are retreating! Kup: Prime did it, he turned the tide. They blast the Decepticons as they run. Starscream: Astrotrain take off! It does... Scene 4 ------- A hospital bed in the shuttle. Eerie light. Mourners are gathered around the dying Prime. Perceptor: I fear the wounds are fatal. Daniel: Prime, you can't die. Optimus: Do not grieve. Soon... I shall be one with the matrix. Hot Rod: Prime. Optimus: Uh, uhhh... Ultra Magnus, it is to you, old friend, that I shall pass the Matrix of leadership, as it was passed to me. Magnus: But Prime, I'm ... I'm just a soldier, I am not worthy. Optimus: Nor was I, but one day an Autobot will rise from our ranks and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour. The matrix, a glowing sphere, is passed. Optimus: Until that day. 'Till all are one. Magnus takes the glowing matrix. Prime's vital signs are fading. His eyes flicker out as he dies. All is grey. Daniel cries. Somewhere out in space, Unicron watches the passing of the matrix and screams out in pain... Scene 5 ------- Back in the astrotrain. Astrotrain: Jettison some weight or I'll never make it to Cybertron. Starscream: Fellow Decepticons, Astrotrain has requested we lighten our burden. Construct: In that case I say it is survival of the fittest. Starscream: Do I hear a second on that? All unwounded: Aye. Starscream: And against? Wounded: Nay. Starscream: The ayes have it. Various: Get, Make room for others, No, Please don't! Several of the wounded or unliked are jettisoned out into space. Megatron is next up... Starscream: (laughing) Oh, how it pains me to do this. Megatron: (weakly) Wait, I still function! Starscream: Wanna bet? Megatron: Starscreeeeeeeam ! Megatron becomes one with the blackness... Starscream: Well as Megatron has, how shall we say, departed, I nominate myself leader. Scrapper: Wait, the constructicons form Devastator, the most powerful robot, we should rule. Soundwave: Soundwave superior, constructicons inferior. Bone Crusher: Who are you calling inferior? Hook: No one would follow an uncharismatic boor like you. Frenzy: No one calls Soundwave un-chras-im-at-ic. Rumble: Yeah, lets kick tailgate! Scrapper: Constructicons unite! Frenzy: No way! A fight ensues between the Decepticons for leadership as we see Astrotrain depart. Scene 6 ======= The body of Megatron floats into the gravitational grip of Unicron. Unicron: Megatron... Welcome Megatron. Megatron: Who... who said that? Unicron: I am Unicron. Megatron: Show yourself. Unicron: I have summoned you here for a purpose. Megatron: Nobody summons Megatron. Unicron: Then it pleases me to be the first. Megatron: State your business. Unicron: This is my command, you are to destroy the Autobot matrix of leadership. It is the one thing, the only thing... that can stand in my way. Megatron: You have nothing to fear. I have already crushed Optimus Prime with my bare hands. Unicron: You exaggerate. Megatron: The point is he's dead, and the Matrix died with him! Unicron: No, the point is you were a fool. The Matrix has been passed onto their new leader Ultra Magnus. Destroy it for me. Megatron: Why should I... what's in it for me? Unicron: Your bargaining posture is highly dubious... but very well, I will provide you with a new body and new troops to command. Megatron: And? Unicron: And nothing! You belong to me now. Megatron: I belong to nobody! Unicron: Perhaps I misjudged you, proceed on your way to oblivion. Unicron opens up and shoots Megatron off into some sort of paralyzing ray.... Megatron: Aaaaagh! No, no, I accept your terms, I accept!! Unicron: Excellent. Behold... Galvatron. Megatron is changed into a new robot, Galvatron. His companions are transformed as well. And these shall be your minions. Scourge, the tracker and his huntsmen, the Sweeps. Cyclonus the warrior, and his armada. And this shall be your ship. Now go, destroy the Autobot matrix of leadership. Galvatron: I will rip open Ultra Magnus and every other Autobot until the Matrix is destroyed. To Cybertron! Galvatron and his troops enter the ship which then moves off. Unicron: Destroy the Matrix. Scene 7 ======= We see Starscream about to get coronated. The constructicons keep playing trumpets with Starscream getting impatient with their interruptions. Starscream: Get on with the ceremony! The trumpets are blasted to small bits. My fellow Decepticons, as your new leader, I... Explosion. Who disrupts my coronation? Galvatron: Coronation, Starscream? This is bad comedy. Starscream: Megatron? Is that you? Galvatron: Here's a hint. Galvatron transforms and blows Starscream into dust. There is a hint of blood on the shattered crown though obviously this is impossible. A pretty freaky scene all in all. Galvatron: Will anyone else attempt to fill his shoes? Hushed silence. Frenzy: What'd he say his name was? Galvatron: Galvatron. All assembled: Long live Galvatron! Galvatron! Scene 8 ======= We cut to moonbase 1 where Unicron is attacking. We've seen this before and it's going to be no more pleasant this time... Jazz: Where'd that come from? Cliffjumper: Who cares, I'm more worried about where it's going! Cut to Earth where we see Blaster helping in the repairs as he picks up a signal. Jazz's voice: Talk to me Earth, we got a situation up here! Roger me, wilco me, anything, hello hello Earth? Blaster: I'm picking up a faint signal. Jazz's voice: This is Jazz... an enormous weird looking planet just showed up in the suburbs of Cybertron! Cliffjumper's voice: And it's attacking Moonbase 1. Magnus: Jazz, Cliffjumper! Cut back to the moon. It is rapidly being devoured. Jazz: Got to blast free if we can. Cliffjumper: Ignition and... Jazz: Hit it! Cliffjumper: Jazz, we're not getting away! Cut to Spike and Bumblebee on Earth communications monitor. Spike: This is Spike and Bumblebee up here on moonbase 2. Bumblebee: This... thing, this monster planet just ripped the first moon to shreds. Spike: And it's heading this way. Bumblebee: We'll try and slow it down. Spike: But you'd better get here fast, cause we're not gonna.... (communications are cut off) Daniel: Dad! Cut to moonbase 2 with Spike and Bumblebee. Rumbling is deafening. Spike: Bumblebee, activate the explosives. If this doesn't stop it, nothing will. Bumblebee: The explosives are activated, lets get outta here. Hurry, it's gonna blow! The moon is eaten and explodes, Bumblebee and Spike are in a shuttle which is rocked by the explosion. Bumblebee & Spike: All right! Hooray. We done it. Way to go. Ha ha.... Bumblebee: Look! Shot of Unicron, not even dented. Spike: It isn't even dented. Oh SHIT, what are we gonna do now? Bumblebee: We're being sucked into it! Cut to Galvatron watching the moon's destruction. Galvatron: How dare Unicron? Cybertron and all its moons belong to me... Aaaaaaaaaargh! Galvatron is struck down with pain as Unicron uses some sort of psychic attack on him. Scourge: But remember, we belong to him. Galvatron: I belong to nobody! (Falls down stairs) I will obey Unicron. (recovers as the attack stops) Decepticons, to Earth. Scene 9 ======= Earth. Magnus: Autobots, prepare to board the shuttles. This new menace is more dangerous than all the Decepticons put together, somehow we must destroy it, before it devours Cybertron. Daniel: But what about my dad? He-he's on the moon between that monster planet and Cybertron. Magnus: Daniel, we'll do everything we can for Spike. Springer: And what do we do when we get there? If that thing crunches moons it's gonna make short work of us. Magnus: Maybe the Matrix can stop it. Hot Rod: You're right, it can. Kup: What do you know about it lad? Hot Rod: I just got this feeling... Springer: Look. A whole heap of Decepticons appear and start attacking. Magnus: To the shuttles. Galvatron: I, Galvatron, will crush you just as Megatron crushed Prime. Magnus: And you'll die trying just like Megatron! Blasts. Galvatron: Autobot scrap. Scourge: You want me to gut Ultra Magnus? Galvatron: There are plenty of Autobots for you. Ultra Magnus is mine. Arcee: Stay close to me Daniel. Hot Rod: And you'd better stay close to me. A blast nearly knocks Hot Rod to bits. Arcee: (smiling) No, you'd better stay close to me. Blurr tries to push the dimwit Grimlock, stil in T. Rex form, into the shuttle. Blurr: NiceDino,GoodDino,SweetDino,WontYouStepIntoTheNiceSpaceship, Please,PrettyPlease,PrettyPrettyPlease,NiceDino,GoodDino, WithSugarOnTopAndACherryAndSomeWhippedCream,NiceDino, GoodDino,SweetDino? Grimlock: Me Grimlock not nice dino, me bash brains! Magnus: Blurr, get the Dinobots in the shuttle. Blurr: I'mTryingToGetThemInTheShuttleUltraMagnus,CauseIKnowWeCan'tLaunch TillIGetThemInTheShuttleButICan'tSeemToGetThemInTheShuttleCause They'reImpossibleImpossibleImpossible! Magnus: Okay forget it. Kup, Hot Rod, you guys get the Dinobots aboard and get out of here! Hot Rod: Come on you big bozo, get in the shuttle. They do, and we follow with them. Kup: This reminds me of the battle on Alpha 9, the petro rabbits were ... Grimlock, get your noodle outta my face. Grimlock: Me Grimlock love Kup's war stories. Kup: You're living one now. Engage the boosters for Cybertron's sake. Grimlock: Tell Grimlock about petro-rabbits again. Kup: I'll give you Petro rabbits. Contact. Kup and Hot Rod's shuttle starts to take off. Springer: Looks like we're shipmates squirt. Daniel: Alright. Springer: But if you get spacesick you're gonna walk home. Magnus: Hurry! Daniel: Wait Ultra Magnus, Arcee's still out there. Show her running alongside. Springer: Jump! She makes it only through an incredibly feat of strength and luck. Arcee: Thanks. Daniel: (sighs) That was close. Springer: Believe it or not, this is the fun part. Scene 10 ======== Magnus: Congratulations Autobots, we've lost them, so rest while you can. Kup: Yep I remember the dust was so think on Beta 4 you had to windshield-wipers on your optic-fibers. Grimlock: Me Grimlock know all about wipers, want to hear good part of story. Swoop: Good part come, Kup, tell swoop good part. Kup: Okay, okay, so the dust was really thick. And then this gigantic Igyac came tromping and stomping down the mountain, flame spewing out of its nostrils, and I thought for sure... Hot Rod: Hey Kup, don't you think we have better things to do now than tell old stories? Kup: Like what? Hot Rod: Like maybe figure out how we're going to rescue our friends and save Cybertron? Grimlock: No, tell story! Various Dinobots: Shhhh. Quiet. Tell story. We want to hear story. Tell story! Hot Rod kicks hell out of a drone combat bot. Combat drone: Timeout, timeout, timeout! The Decepticons start attacking the shuttles. Missiles are fired. Hot Rod: They're closing on us. Kup: Yep, like the shritebots of Dromadon. Hot Rod: How'd you beat them? Kup: I'm trying to remember, there were an awful lot of casualties that day... Oh yes, we inverted polarities! A few buttons are pressed. Hot Rod: They're coming back! They detonate harmlessly. Hot Rod: Alright, we survived that. Kup: Yeah, but will we survive this? Galvatron and crew are closing in. Galvatron: Cyclonus, transform and attack. He does, into a jet, and nicks the shuttle. Kup: I can't control it. Hot Rod: We're gonna crash! Quite right. Springer: Kup and Hot Rod just bought it! Magnus: I can't deal with that now. Springer: Face it Magnus, the Decepticons are gonna dog us until they see us dead! Magnus: Then that's exactly what they're gonna see. Prepare for emergency separation. Perceptor: That's too dangerous. Magnus: What choice do we have? The Autobots separate 3/4 of the shuttle and allow it to be blown away. Scourge: The Autobots have been terminated. Galvatron: Excellent, and the Matrix with them. But Unicron folows with a psychic attack. Galvatron screams. No, Unicron, why? Take me to Unicron, take me now! Aaaagh! Scene 11 ======== Arcee: Did we have to let them detonate 3 quarters of the ship? Springer: Seeing as they would have detonated 4 quarters, I think it was a good choice. Arcee: But how are we going to get there in this wreck? Magnus: Perceptor, can you locate a place to set down for repairs? Perceptor: Gamma waves in this region of space create marginal navigation probabilities ... however, ahem, yes I believe I can, the planet of Junk is in this vicinity. Magnus: Then let's go for it. Scene 12 ======== Quintessa (presumably) underwater with Hot Rod. Nasty metal-eating robot fish... Hot Rod: Kup, Grimlock, Slag, anybody! Kup: Hot Rod! Help me! Hot Rod comes across Kup, who is being attacked by some metallic octopi-thing, which Hot Rod manages to scare off. It vanishes in a burst of black ink. Hot Rod: Kup, Kup! Kup: Help ... Hot Rod: Kup, talk to me. Kup: F-f-f-fix me. Hot Rod: Sure Kup, right away. Hot Rod gathers up Kup's parts and carries him off amd above water. Scene 13 ======== Back to the shuttle. Magnus: Brace for impact! The shuttle impacts hard, plowing across the ground. Silence. Magnus: Say something, anybody! Longish pause. Springer: Remind me to give the auto-pilot a raise. Arcee: Daniel? Daniel: I... I'm okay. Magnus: Let's try to salvage this thing. Daniel: Can I help? Springer: It's rough out there kid. Arcee appears with a mechanical get-up of some sort. Arcee: I think Daniel can make himself useful with this. It was Spike's exo-suit. Daniel: Dad's exo-suit, he told me all about it! Arcee: Here try it on. Now try to walk, come on you can do it. He tries and fails, falling over, shuffling sideways etc. Springer: Just think about what you want to do before you do it. Daniel: It's kinda tricky, whoa, uhh! Arcee: Keep on practicing, you'll get the hang of it. Magnus: Come on, showtime's over, we've got work to do. They land upon the vast planet of Junk, a sanitation worker's dream. Trash as far as the eye can see. Daniel: (whistles) This must be the junk capital of the universe. A number of robotic figures come out of the junk some distance away. The leader is a great evil-looking type with a long red beard and moustache. He talks quickly and with an English accent. Scary fellow, and the weapons don't help either. Wreck-Gar: Stop thief! No welcome wagon hello stranger with that good coffee flavor for you. Offer expires while you wait; operators are standing by... Scene 14 ======== Hot Rod is finishing up the repairs on Kup. Hot Rod: That does it. Well, what do you think? Kup: Of all the circuit glitched diode blowing dim wittery... you left a piece out! Hot Rod: No way, you're just a little stiff. Kup cools off and tries to walk. Kup: Anyway, all things considered you did an amazing job lad. Amazing. Hot Rod: Really? Kup: Yeah, you even got rid of a nasty burr on my rotator. Now... let's find the Dinobots and get off this twisted planet. Hot Rod and Kup transform drive a bit and come across some Sharkticons. Kup: Don't act hostile, I'll use the universal greeting. Hot Rod: Universal greeting? Kup: Watch, I'll have them eating out of my hand. Ba weep granna weep ninny bang. Hot Rod: Ba weep granna weep ninny bang? Sharkticons: Ba weep granna weep ninny bang! Kup: See, the universal greeting works everytime. Now, without making any sudden moves, offer them an energon goody. The Sharkticons eat ravenously. Hot Rod: This is getting expensive. Kup: Don't worry, they'll reciprocate. They eat until there is no more. Hot Rod: I thought they were supposed to reciprocate? The Sharkticons glare hungrily at them. No more. Kup: Empty. Kup and Hot Rod are punced upon. They are taken prisoner and led off, eventually coming to a corridor. They are followed secretly by Wheelie, a mysterious little robot. Kup: This reminds me of the Nitith slave mines on Galganath 7. Hot Rod: Everyplace reminds you of someplace else. Kup: Experience lad, you should learn to appreciate it. Hot Rod: Lot of good it's done us so far. Kup: Hey, what's going on over there? Inquisitor: Has the imperial magistrate reached a verdict? Show the judge, a mechanical construct made up of several rotating heads, none pleasant. Judge: I have. Inquisitor: Guilty or innocent? Judge: Innocent. Inquisitor: Feed him to the Sharkticons. Victim: (as he is thrown off the plank) Aaaaaaaagh ... Judge: Hahahahahaha(change faces)hahahahahahaha (change faces)hahahahahaha(change faces)hahahahahahaha... Hot Rod: We've got to get a new travel agent. Sharkticons: (still escorting them) Ba weep granna weep ninny bang. They are thrown into a dark cell. Hot Rod: What is this place? Kranix: The world of the savage Sharkticons and their cruel masters the Quintessons. I am Kranix. My planet was destroyed by Unicron. Hot Rod: Unicron? Who's Unicron? Kranix: A planet that devours everything in its path. Kup: So that's the monster's name. Sharkticons come in and take Kranix away. Kranix: No please, I'm the last (gagged by Sharkticons) No, no! Hot Rod: Let him go! (runs into electrified bars) Aaaagh! Inquisitor: (to Kup and Hot Rod) Soon you too shall receive your sentence. Back to trial chamber. Has the imperial Magistrate reached a verdict? Judge: I have. Inquisitor: Guilty or innocent? Kranix: Spare me this mockery of justice! Inquisitor: I repeat, guilty or innocent? Judge: Innocent. Kranix: (as he falls to the sharkticons) Aaaaaaagh ... Kup: (solemnly, from cell) Not the end I'd wish for, lad. Scene 15 ======== Meanwhile the Dinobots are attempting a search party. Swoop: Me Swoop no see nothing. Grimlock: Me Grimlock positive Kup and Hot Rod close. Slag: Me Slag say you full of beryllium baloney. Grimlock: Me Grimlock say you full of cesium salami. Slag: Beryllium baloney! Wheelie: (high-pitched and bizarre) Friend find, look behind. Grimlock: Who say that? The tiny Wheelie, seeming every bit the impish sprite, waves. Wheelie: Friend find, look behind. You go wrong way, you fool I say. Grimlock: Me Grimlock fool? Wheelie: Picture you got, not fool you not! Grimlock: Me Grimlock no like you! (smacks Wheelie, who then fires a tiny slingshot at Grimlock's nose) Ow! Why boy hit my nose? Wheelie: Wheelie say, find friend today. Grimlock: Me Grimlock say, we on our way! The odd team walks toward the chamber... Scene 16 ======== Deep space. Galvatron is confronted by Unicron once again. Galvatron: Unicron, why did you torture me? Unicron: You have failed. Galvatron: No Unicron, Ultra Magnus is dead, and the Matrix destroyed! Unicron: The Matrix has not been destroyed, and Ultra Magnus lives, on the planet of Junk. Stalk him, tear him apart and destroy the Matrix. Scene 17 ======== Back to the Junk planet... Perceptor: Make sure the fittings are securely welded. Blurr: AbsolutelyPositivelyDefinitly,IWouldn'tHaveItAnyOtherWay,AnyOther WayAtAll! Daniel: (carrying something enormous and heavy) Whoa, this exo-suit's fantastic! I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. Wreck-Gar and his army have been spying, however, and plan attack. Wreck-Gar: Forward avanci... and then go for the gusto! But they stop as Decepticon ships approach in the distance. Hold on... Magnus: Decepticons! We've got to draw them off and double back to the shuttle. Battle. The Decepticons destroy the shuttle. Springer: There goes the shuttle! Daniel: What do I do? Blurr: Transform,Transform,YouCanDoIt,IKnowYouCanDoIT,YouCanDoIt! Daniel: Transform...! Nothing happens. Scavenger: Human Germ. Daniel: Transform... He does! Yeah! (laughs) Magnus: Make a break for cover. I'll try to unleash the power of the Matrix. All Autobots: Till all are one! Magnus: Till all are one. (Trying to open the Matrix) Open, damn it OPEN! It does not. (sadly) Prime, you said the Matrix would light our darkest hour... Galvatron: Magnus, I want the Matrix. Magnus: Never! Galvatron: Sweeps, terminate him! Scourge and his sweeps blast Ultra Magnus. Galvatron: Die, die! Magnus staggers briefly and then explodes. Galvatron takes the matrix... (laughing) Unicron, my 'master'... with this I will make you my slave. Somewhere, Unicron is screaming... Scene 18 ======== Kup and Hot Rod are on trial. Inquisitor: Before his imperial magistrate delivers a verdict, would you like to beg for your life? It sometimes helps, but not often. Kup: (bound head to toe) I can't transform! Hot Rod: Keep trying. Judge: Silence, or you will be held in contempt of this court. Hot Rod: I have nothing but contempt for this court. Inquisitor: Guilty or innocent? Judge: Innocent. Hot Rod and Kup are dropped in with the Sharkticons. Hot Rod: They've got more Sharkticons than we've got photon charges! Kup: Then let's hold a demolition derby. Hot Rod and Kup, now cars, zoom round the tank of water they are in and are soon out of the water zooming around amongst the Sharkticons above. Hot Rod: Ha ha, didn't even bend a fender! Kup: Yeah, but look there's a lot more of those can diggin' grill crackin' things... Hot Rod: We can't hold out forever, but we can give them one humongous repair bill. Inquisitor: Execute them! Slag and the Dinobots, with Wheelie, knock the door down on the Inquisitor. Slag: Excuse me. Grimlock: Me Grimlock want to munch metal! The Dinos do a pretty good job scaring off the Sharkticon attack. Hot Rod: Ha ha! I never thought I'd be so glad to see those bozos. Grimlock: Me Grimlock no bozo, me king. Judge: Sharkticons, execute them! Grimlock: (growls and stamps foot) Me Grimlock say execute them! The Sharkticons transform, think for a minute, and then start chasing after the Quintessons. Kup: (smiling) I think the problems on this planet will soon be solved very shortly. Hot Rod: Yeah, but what about our problem? We need a ship. Wheelie: You get ship, if I get trip. Hot Rod: Who are you? Grimlock: Him Wheelie, him friend. Hot Rod: He'll be mine too if he can find a ship. Wheelie: Skip stare over there. Their "ship" is enormous and shaped like a corkscrew. They had assumed it a dilapidated building. Kup: That's a ship? Hot Rod: Who cares, as long as it flies. Scene 19 ======== The Autobots on Junk go up to the remains of Ultra Magnus. Devastation. Arcee: (devastated) Ultra Magnus... Blurr: WithoutTheMatrixThereIsNoHope,NoHope,NoHopeAtAll. Arcee: First Prime, now Ultra Magnus. What do we do? Daniel: Look! The Junkions approach on motorcycles. Not going well for our heroes, is it? Wreck-Gar: Don't look behind door number two, Monty! It's time to play "End of the Line My Valentine-ah!" Geroni-doo-ron-ron-ronny-mooo! A fight between the Junkions and the Autobots commences, with the Junkions taking heavy damages but never staying down, always recovering. Springer: It's not hard to knock 'em down, it's getting them to stay down that's the trick. Arcee: They're indestructible. Daniel: And they're everywhere! Several hundred more of them materialize. Wreck-Gar: You check-in... but you don't check-out. Music is "Dare to Be Stupid," by "Weird Al" Yankovic. Why this is I can't imagine. The fight gets medieval and continues until a certain corkscrew-shaped shuttle starts to land, drilling into the planet. Wreck-Gar: Steady as she goes bob, snappy visitors get mud in the eye by and by. Still the end of em. Arcee: It's Hot Rod! Daniel: And Kup and the Dinobots! Spotting the Junk army, Kup prepares his gun. Hot Rod: Guns aren't exactly friendly. Kup: Neither are they, in case you haven't noticed. Hot Rod: What was that universal greeting again? Never mind I remember. Ba weep granna weep ninny bang. Wreck-Gar: (lost) Ba weep granna weep ninny bang? Hot Rod: Ba weep granna weep ninny bang. All Junkions: Ba weep granna weep ninny bang! Everyone starts dancing happily. Music, now at crescendo, is again "Dare to Be Stupid." Oh, now I get it. Never mind. Anyway eventually a Junkion comes and kisses Grimlock on the nose. Grimlock: Me Grimlock not kisser, me Grimlock king! Our man Wreck-Gar bangs on a tin plate ceremoniously. Wreck-Gar: Have a nice day! And please close cover before striking, friends! Wheep beep arrrooty, so say the Junkions! Some of what Wreck-Gar says is incomprehensible, by the way. Call it an attempt. Hot Rod: Where'd you learn to talk like that? Wreck-Gar pulls out a small television set. Wreck-Gar: TV! We talk TV, you talk some TV? Kup: I talk some TV. Er, "and now the news, don't touch that dial." All Junkions: Ba weep granna weep ninny bang! Wreck-Gar: By George, kimosabes, your smashed up friend soon like brand new with ninety day warranty! While Wreck-Gar is talking other Junkions come and put Ultra Magnus back together again. Wreck-Gar: Happy motoring, cock-a-doodledooooo! Daniel: Look, he's alive! Ultra Magnus: (staggering to feet) You're all alive! Hot Rod: The Matrix? Ultra Magnus: It's gone. Kup: And with it all hope. Hot Rod: No. Arcee: Galvatron has it. Hot Rod: Where's Galvatron, where is he? Wreck-Gar: And the answer is... Unicron. Hot Rod: Then we've got to destroy Unicron. Wreck-Gar: Yes, friends, act now - destroy Unicron! Kill the grand poobah, eliminate even the toughest stains. Helpers, domers, hurry hurry hurry, sale must end, rush right on down and test drive latest model with no obligation! New improved Junkion planet is sleek sexy import with turbo handling... Impressive junk shuttles begin to form out of planet surface. Junkions: Yes! Destroy Unicron, kill the grand poobah, eliminate even the toughest stains! The Junkions and Autobots board the shuttles, which then leave Junkion. Scene 20 ======== Galvatron: Unicron! Unicron! Answer me! See this, the Matrix - I now possess that which you most fear! You will do my bidding or taste my wrath. Unicron: You underestimate me Galvatron. Unicron starts to transform into a huge robot, I mean a HUGE robot, unimaginably so. For a time I had considered sparing your wretched little planet Cybertron, but now you shall witness its dismemberment! Galvatron: No! Cybertron falls under attack from the enormous Unicron-bot, now more powerful than ever. It doesn't seem to stand a chance. Shockwave: Decepticons, we're under attack, scramble! The two shuttles from Junk enter the area and see what's happening. Hot Rod: Doesn't this remind you of anything, Kup? Kup: Nope, never seen anything like it before. Daniel: What happened to Moonbase 2? Where's my dad? Hot Rod: That's what we're going to find out. A burst of flaming breath hits Wreck-Gar's ship but he remains confident and tries to keep steering. Wreck-Gar: Junkion enamel. Resists fire, rain, and corrosion for up to 5 years, satisfaction guaranteed. Junkions: Or your money back! The shuttle with Hot Rod, Kup, Arcee, Springer and Daniel in it is hit with the flaming breath and crashes through Unicron's eye. All jump out of it and Hot Rod is separated from the others. Daniel: Where's Hot Rod? Springer: I don't know, but I hope they didn't get him. He indicates an immense bank of tentacly ropes with pincers. Arcee: Quick, this way! Hot Rod crashes through to the inner levels of the robot body. He hits hard but somehow survives. Crawling he comes across the trapped Galvatron. Still around his neck, on a chain, is... Hot Rod: The Matrix! Galvatron: It will do you no good Autobot, it cannot be opened. Hot Rod: Not by a Decepticon. Galvatron: Like it or not, we are allies now, against a common foe. Unicron attacks Galvatron. Galvatron screams, powerless.... Unicron: Destroy him Galvatron, NOW, or you yourself will be obliterated. Galvatron: Of course my master... Galvatron immediately sets upon Hot Rod with his blaster. Puny Autobot! You lack even Prime's courage! Shot of Grimlock and the Dinobots as they move in to attack Unicron. Grimlock: Me Grimlock kick butt! The attack is ended abruptly at the crash of Unicron's huge fist. The Dinobots zoom away as fast as they can. Me Grimlock need new strategy. We now see Daniel and the other Autobots inside Unicron, bar Hot Rod, being chased by the pincers seen earier. Daniel: (falls) Help, help! Arcee: Daniel! Arcee and the other Autobots, who were running, turn round and start blasting to free Daniel. Arcee hits the wall and water starts flooding the corridor; all are swept off with Daniel being separated from the others. Daniel: Arcee, Kup! Daniel comes across an acid vat with bodies being dropped in on a conveyor... ouch. Unknown: Arrrrrrrrgh!! Even worse, Daniel looks up to see his... Daniel: Dad! Spike: (about to be dropped in the acid) Daniel! Daniel: Dad, what can I do? Spike: Knock down the acid cover! Daniel: How? Spike: Blast it son! Daniel: But I don't have a gun! Spike: Use your exo-suit! Hurry! Daniel fires, but too late. The acid cover drops, but seems to shut itself upon his father. Daniel looks away, crying. Suddenly, a voice cries out from above. Spike: Daniel, you did it! Daniel: (shuddering, astonished) Yeah, I-I did it... We return to Galvatron to see him looking for Hot Rod. Galvatron: Come out Autobot. We all must die someday. Hot Rod: Not today Galvatron. (smacks Galvatron in the face) Hot Rod transforms and zips away. Galvatron fires after him; Hot Rod returns fire; Galvatron fires as Hot Rod charges; Galvatron catches Hot Rod in his grasp. Galvatron: I will crush you with my bare hands! Die Autobot! The battle rages outside, with Wreck-Gar and his team in peril. Galvatron: First Prime, then Ultra Magnus, now you! It's a pity you Autobots die so easily, else I might have a sense of satisfaction now! Suddenly, Hot Rod grasps the Matrix and Galvatron is flung off as a transformation occurs to Hot Rod. He is getting taller, and shimmering with light... Optimus's voice: Arise, Rodimus Prime. Rodimus: Optimus... Galvatron: No! (Shoots the Matrix out of Rodimus's hands) Rodimus: This is the end of the road, Galvatron. Rodimus Prime picks Galvatron up and simply throws him out of Unicron into space. Rodimus: (Opening the Matrix) Now... light our darkest hour. Unicron starts to fall apart from within, tearing apart and then simply exploding. All the little battles are decided on the side of our heroes. Spike, plus Jazz, Bumblebee, and Cliffjumper run into where Springer and the others are. Springer: Spike, Daniel. Spike: Springer, what's going on? Springer: No time to answer that now, lets get outta here! The Autobots start running for any way out when Daniel spots Rodimus Prime running towards them. Daniel: Look. Rodimus: Autobots, transform and roll out. Rodimus transforms into a huge hot rod car. They hop easily in. Kup: I knew you had potential lad. The Autobots depart through Unicron's intact eye just as he slips into his final destruction. We get to see and hear Unicron lose all power... Unicron: Destiny... you cannot destroy... my destinyyyyyy ...... Unicron shatters and explodes into atoms. Scene 21 ======== A scene on Cybertron, all the Autobots are assembled, along with Wheelie and Wreck-Gar(probably the other Junkions too, good that they survived). Rodimus: Let this mark the end of the Cybertronian wars as we march forward to a new age of peace and happiness. Till all are one! All assembled: Till all are one! Till all are one! Till all are one! NOTE: The following final voiceover is deleted on some versions. Voice over: The battle is over, but the galaxy spanning adventures of the Transformers will continue, and the greatest Autobot of them all, Optimus Prime, will return. The shattered head of Unicron orbits around the planet. (LOL) Roll metal Transformers theme again. Dance if you like. VOICES (in alphabetical order) ------------------------------ Kranix Norm Aldene Astrotrain Jack Angel Prowl Scrapper Swoop Junkion Michael Bell Grimlock Gregg Berger Arcee Suysan Blu Devastator Arthur Burghardt Spike Brawn Shockwave Corey Burton Cyclonus Quintesson Leader Roger C. Carmel Narrator Victor Caroli Quintesson Judge Rege Cardic Optimus Prime Ironhide Peter Cullen Jazz Scatman Crothers Dirge Bud Davis Inferno Walker Edmiston (where the devil did Inferno feature in the movie, or Dirge for that fact?) Perceptor Paul Eiding Blitzwing Ed Gilbert Bumblebee Dan Gilvezan Wreck Gar Eric Idle Blaster Buster Jones Scourge Stan Jones Cliffjumper Casey Kasem Starscream Chris Latta Daniel David Mendenhall Scavenger Don Messick Blurr John Moschitta Hot Rod Rodimus Prime Judd Nelson Galvatron Leonard Nimoy Shrapnel Hal Rayle Kickback Clive Revil Bonecrusher Hook Springer Slag Neil Ross Ultra Magnus Robert Stack Kup Lionel Stander Unicron Orson Welles Soundwave Megatron Rumble Frenzy Wheelie Junkion Frank Welker Original Concept by Floro Devy Transformers, Autobots, Decepticons, the Autobot & Decepticon insignia, all comic and TV Characters are copyright of Hasbro inc. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As told to Garrett Gilchrist of Monty Pythonís PythoNET Visit http://orangecow.org/pythonet