On Saturday 9th October 1999, BBC2 scheduled a Monty Python Evening to approximately coincide with the 30th anniversary of the first appearance of Monty Python on British TV.

The evening included: a documentary about the history of Python; a piece where Michael Palin revisited some of the locations where the series were shot, called "Pythonland"; some previously unseen footage from 1971 (as John Cleese put it, "not very good, but at least you haven't seen it before"); a screening of Life of Brian; a cool South Park tribute to Monty Python (Dead Kenny sketch); and, perhaps of greatest interest to Python fans, some new material specially recorded for the event by the remaining members of the Python team.

There are new sketches throughout, with Carol Cleveland in one marvelous but brief spotlight. These skits are the closest we may ever come to a true reunion, as Terry Jones marks at the close: "This is it. Sorry, chaps."

Some of this is reproduced below.

The entire night was fantastic. Nearly all of it (with some material cut - notably a segment with celebrity cameos) was released on VHS and DVD by A&E as their "Life of Python" boxed set. Not to be confused with the 1-hour "Life of Python" documentary film released on video in 1989, which was a different show entirely.

Terry Jones reprising his "musical mice" character kicked things off, with John Cleese giving a suitable rant about how they were now relegated to minority channel BBC-2 from the prestigious main channel BBC-1. He also introduced the first special of the night, Its: The Monty Python Story, and was outraged by how much Eddie Izzard had been paid to host it.

It's - The Monty Python Story (54m:52s)

Bookended by an Eddie Izzard intro and outro, the first piece is a retrospective of this legendary comedy troupe through clips, interviews and behind-the-scenes anecdotes. The surviving members discuss their journey from the creation of the series and the inner-workings of the team vs. the BBC; their feature-length exploits; the loss of Graham Chapman, and their obverse speculations on the future. No one here seems idly sentimental—not exactly a teary sort of lot—so the body of the program is an interesting mix of very individual reminiscences and emotions. It is curious to note which topics they seem comfortably nostalgic about and which ones leave them a bit squirmy: I observed an innocent pleasure in those recalling Terry Gilliam's arrival on the scene, whereas signs of restraint overlay memories of how the 5 Brits originally banded together. As with any group of creative brilliance whose halcyon days have come and gone, they are irrevocably tied to their success—and each other—and there's bound to be emotional baggage. They impart the sense that it was all a lot of exhaustive, unappreciated hard work for those bleeding BBC bastards - sorry - I mean, a good bit of fun while it lasted.

This was followed by five minutes of new linking sketches, including the return of the "Gumbys," still standing in the middle of a street with napkins on their heads, chanting in a monotone. World traveler Michael Palin then presented Pythonland, visiting the original locations around London that were used to film street scenes for the series.

Pythonland (18m:21s)

Pythonland, plays on Michael Palin's more recent travel series (Around the World in 80 Days, Full Circle), while documenting location sites of some of MPFC's most popular sketches. Actually well done, this piece overlays contemporary shots with the original filmed versions, with Palin imparting tidbits of production history as he goes. Spots include the quay at Teddington Lock (Fish-Slapping Dance); Thorpebank Road (New Cooker Sketch and The Ministry of Silly Walks) and Ealing, a borough much (ab)used by the boys (Climbing the Uxbridge Road, Hell's Grannies). Often he would knock on the door of some unsuspecting person (who of course immediately recognized the famous Palin from his many travel series), tell them about the "historic" importance of their particular door or house, and then put up an official looking blue plaque saying something like "Monty Python's Silly Walk sketch filmed here 1971." Not surprisingly, many of the locations were within spitting distance of the BBC Television Centre in West London. It ends at the beginning, with Palin wading out into Poole Harbour, Dorset, from the exact spot of his "It's" man's emergence, 30 years ago.

More new sketches followed including a parody of Mastermind, some talking apes (definitely using language that would not have been allowed on television back during the series' original run back in the 1970s), and send-ups of BBC-2's famous logo links. The 1979 Python film Life Of Brian was then screened. Eric Idle (whose participation for the night was mostly done remotely from Los Angeles) then narrated the "true" story of the actual "Monty Python." The BBC then rounded up some celebrity tributes to the series, and then managed to dig up a clip of Python history unseen since 1971! It was a short segment filmed for a Europe special about May Day, and although the Pythons recycled a bit of material for it, it represented sketch material that hadn't been shown since the original broadcast.

The Lost Python May Day Special (08m:44s) (Improperly spelled as "Mayday" on the packaging, something completely different from "May Day".)

With its own (contemporary) intro sketch, a lost Python May Day Special is unearthed from something called Euroshow '71, a "showcase of the best of European TV Variety" (as described by Cleese in the intro; the packaging calls it the "Pan-European May Day Festival"). The piece features a hilarious MPFC tribute to May Day celebrations across Great Britain, heretofore unseen.

An untitled tribute by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of Comedy Central's South Park is next (02m:14s). Cartman and Kyle lend their own twist to one of MPFC's most brilliant sketches - they do their own version of the "Dead Parrot Sketch" using (of course) "a dead Kenny." Cartman is then attacked by a cutout of Terry Gilliam. In true Python fashion, this quickly devolves to a live action segment with Parker and Stone holding Terry Gilliam's mom hostage! Jones and Palin appears as policemen in another skit. Meat Loaf then presented From Spam to Sperm, chronicling the use of music and songs by Monty Python, from the lumberjack song to the elaborate musical number in The Meaning Of Life.

From Spam to Sperm: Monty Python's Greatest Hits (19m:35s)

"In a world where even the most talented vocalists struggle for success, this musically-challenged group unwittingly pulled off one of the cult classics of the century."
— Meatloaf, referring to The Lumberjack Song

Rock star Meatloaf hosts a secondary retrospective of the troupe's musical highlights and live performances, with interview snippets nicked from the body of the disc's main event. A few of the songs featured are: The Lumberjack Song ("I cut down trees, I skip and jump/I like to press wildflowers/I put on women's clothing/And hang around in bars - ."); the tender and inspiring Sit on My Face ("I love to hear you oralize/When I'm between your thighs/You blow me away - !") and the always enchanting Every Sperm is Sacred ("Let the heathens spill theirs/on the dusty ground/God shall make them pay for/each sperm that can't be found - .").

Finally, at 12:30 A.M., was the "highlight" of the evening, which had been promoted all night, the very important and historic Peter Sissons interview, assembling all the surviving Pythons (with Eric Idle via satellite). And of course, it only lasted 15 seconds!

Palin drags in from the sea for the last word—sort of.

"That was the end of Monty Python. The BBC is now closing down, forever."

And now, a transcript of some of the new Python bits, brought to you by Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs. Zambesi of Stone Dead Productions.

Introduction
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

(Typical BBC2 "2"-shaped logo, made of perspex with a white mouse crawling through and out of it.)

Voice over (John): And now BBC2 is proud to present An Evening of Monty Python. (Mallet head flattens the mouse.)

Arthur Ewing (Terry J): Er, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

(Pull back to reveal Ewing, dressed in a white suit, holding the mallet.) And now for my next number, I shall be using the services of Tiddles (takes white kitten from behind his back and places it on the table, and raises the mallet. Stage hands (Michael & Terry G) rush in and restrain him. Close up of kitten to background sounds of a struggle.)

(Cut to John in evening dress at an announcer's desk. Behind him it says "BBC Celebrates" "30 Years" "Moon Landing", with hand-written "Monty Python" label crudely stuck over the "Moon Landing" part; pictures of lunar astronauts to either side.)

John: Good evening, viewer. Tonight, BBC2 are celebrating the 30th anniversary of Monty Python, which is a very special occasion for us Pythons, and I would just like to say on behalf of the whole gang - except for the dead one, of course - how pleased we are to be back at the BBC. Of course, the relationship between us and the BBC has not always been easy, but, er, we really are delighted to be here tonight to celebrate on BBC2 the 30th anniversary of the first ever transmission of Monty Python on BBC1. Which, I suppose, speaks for itself. We've been moved down, you see, from BBC1, the more popular channel, to BBC2, the less popular, or more unpopular, channel. So thank you, BBC, for this big vote of confidence. (Angrily) Obviously we're just a tired bunch of pathetic old has-beens who are clearly...

(Pull back to salesman (Terry J) standing in front of the desk, who talks over John's rant.)

Salesman: In case you're interested, John's suit is made of fine, brushed mohair. It is made in the new economic zone of Shanghai. So if you like it, or anything else John's wearing, why not contact BBC Costumes, part of the Lufthansa-Sainsbury's aero-grocery group. Thank you.

(Cut back to John who has been talking throughout.)

John: I mean it was fine when we were pulling in audiences of nine million, but now, apparently, we're out of touch with the sensibilities of the so-called 'commercially-led television era'. I mean, do you know what Eddie Izzard gets?! Seventy thousand pounds a show! I used to get three-and-a half thousand a series, and Monty Python changed the face of the twentieth century! Bloody BBC! (Man tips a bucket of water over him and wags his finger.) What are you doing? (Vercotti (Michael) enters from right in dark glasses and takes phone off the hook.)

Vercotti: You were criticising the BBC.

John: Well, don't think you can frighten me with John Bird. Hah! John Bird? He's dead in the water. He'll be in the House of Lords next. John Bird! (blows raspberry). (Man on left leaves shot)

Vercotti: I've got a message from Greg Dyke.

John: (worried) Greg Dyke?

(Man returns from left and shocks him with an electric cattle prod).

Vercotti:Greg says you'd better do your announcing properly, otherwise you're going to have to support yourself for the rest of your life doing Sainsbury's commercials.

John: Oh! No, please! Don't make me work for Sainsbury's again, please. I'll do it properly, I'll be good. (To unseen director) Can we start again please? I'll be really, really, really, good, I promise.

Vercotti: That's my boy (pats him on the back of the head)

John:Let's start again. (Film rewinds quickly back to BBC logo, this time with a kitten inside the perspex "2")

Voice Over (John): And now, BBC2 is proud to present an evening of Monty Python. (Sounds in background of running, cries of "Stop him" etc.)

John (at desk, as before): Good evening, viewer. (Mew, sound of mallet; large amount of gore, flesh and fur lands on desk from out of shot, splashing onto him).

Ugh! (Regaining smile) Tonight, BBC2 are celebrating the very first transmission of Monty Python's Fl... (desk tilts. Pull back to reveal two stage hands (Terry G and Michael) trying to remove the desk). Excuse me, I'm introducing this evening's themed viewing...

Hand 1 (Terry G): Yeah, well that comes under Introductions and Announcements. We're BBC Furniture.

John: I'm sorry?

Hand 2 (Michael): All furnishing comes under BBC Central Furnishing, has to be costed and re-hired out on a pro-rata basis to the user, through central authorisation on behalf of the fundee, i.e. the licence payer.

John: Well, can I just make the opening announcement, please?

Hand 2: Not on that chair you can't, no.

John:But it's a BBC announcement and this is a BBC chair. (tries to retrives it as Terry G is taking it away)

Hand 2: No, no, that chair belongs to BBC Furnishings which is is now a wholly-owned subsidiary of BBC Interior Design plc dot com.

Hand 1: Which in turn is part of American Airlines. (lights go out)

John: What's happened?

Lighting Man (Terry J): (entering from left carrying a torch) It's, er, BBC Open Lighting policy. Er, the lights can be used at anyone at any time who is willing to pay more.

John: But we're on the air!

Lighting Man:Not any more.

(Impressive music. "The Peter Sissons Interview" in large letters. Pull back to reveal it is written on the floor; studio setting behind)

Peter Sissons (himself): I'm Peter Sissons and tonight at 12:30 I'll be talking live to all the surviving Pythons, here in the studio. It's the first time they've been together on BBC television for twenty-five years. So stay tuned.

(Cut back to John, still in the dark)

John: Absolutely typical of the bloody BB... Oh, hallo! Sorry, um, we've given them the cheque, but apparently thay need three days to put it through, so I'm not quite sure what we should, er... (someone strikes a match out of shot, lighting the scene dimly) Good idea! Right! So! Good evening, viewer, again. (sound of knocking. Leans over front of desk and calls down) Will you be quiet down there! And now we're going ot show you a full length documentary about us, and I hear it's absolutely fascinating, as you'd expect... (the lights come back on. Several American Airlines signs have been added to the set.) Oh!

(Two air passengers approach the desk)

Passenger: Do you go via Calcutta?

John: I'm an announcer! (Looking at camera, sighs) What are you? BA 298? (They show him their tickets) Yes, you get into Calcutta at 21:06. (Puts his head in his hand).

Passenger: T'riffic.

(Fade into graphic title for The Monty Python Story.)

After The Monty Python Story, Carol responded to allegations that the writing was sexist.

Sexism
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

Carol: (at "BBC Celebrates" / "American Airlines" desk, talking to two elderly passengers) Just go upstairs, turn left into area 14, take the down escalator up to departures, follow the signs for the North European superlounge, take the elevator to gates 31 to 37, turn right, check in again at gate 41B by 16:04 at the latest and don't pick your nose. (To camera) Welcome to BBC2, or...

(shaking her ample bosoms) ..."Booby-C 2" as I call it (gives exaggerated wink to camera). The Pythons are often accused of being sexist, and only writing parts for glamour girls. Well! What a load of bollocks! What the hell's wrong with a bit of glamour! If you've got a half-way decent pair of bristols, let the world know about it, I say. You should see the faces of the Board of Governors when I come in the room in a basque and a pair of rubber wellies, and I'm 82. Well, anyway, I've been brought in to read the weather, and to answer allegations that the BBC is dumbing down. Well, are we dumbing down? We referred this to one of our focus groups.

(Cut to five gumbies (Terry J, John, Michael, Eric, Terry G)

Gumby 3: Is the BBC dumbing down?

All: No! No!

Gumby 3: We like to see more programmes about bricks!

All: (who are holding bricks) Bricks! Bricks! (Hit each other and themselves on the head with the bricks)

(Cut to out-of-focus group (John, Michael and Eric) who are three middle-class women; the picture is out of focus)

Middle woman (Michael): We're an out-of-focus group, and we'd like to see more mindless violence.

Right-hand woman (Terry J): Absolutely.

(Cut to sports channel. Behind a spinning triangular logo "M-PY-THON SPORTS" we see a hot-dog ski jumper falling over; an ice-skating pair - the gentleman throws the lady who falls over saying "oh, shit"; caption "A bargain at £360 per year"; a pole-vaulter whose pole breaks; an eventer who is thrown from horse into water; racing motorcyclist falling off; a gymnast falling awkwardly from rings; caption "Only 3 1/2 times the BBC licence fee"; bare-foot water-skier falliing in; gymnast falling off pommel horse, saying "oh, bugger".)

(Cut to buddhist monk)

Monk: I like to see more mindful violence.

(Cut to Gilliam animation: eastern mystic in lotus position and chanting, rises into the air while chickens peck at ground. Then he falls to ground, crushing a chicken. Then he self-replicates and crushes ever more chickens. Then a whole multitude of mystics fall from the sky.)

(Cut to city gent (John))

City Gent: I'd really, really love to see someone drown.

(Cut to Scotsman in kilt)

Scotsman: I'd like to see more stereotype Scotsmen on the television. (Breaks into stereotypical Scottish singing)

(Cut to four pepperpots (Michael, Terry G, John and Terry J). Sound of Scotsman being shot.)

Third Pepperpot (John): I'd like to see that nice Michael Palin (sic) doing one of his travel programmes, you know, when he says "Hallo, I'm Michael Palin", and they say "Hallo Michael, how are you", and he says "Oh, I'm very, very well, thank you. What a nice hat you have", and they say "Ooh, do you like it? Would you lie to come in", and he says "Oh, good idea", and so on.

All: And on and on and on

First Pepperpot (Michael): They're so restful

All: Restful

Fourth Pepperpot (Terry J): Restful, yes. You never get anxious or interested or anything, do you?

All: No.

Second Pepperpot (Terry G): That's what we want to see.

All: Yes! (Fairy (Eddie Izzard) appears in front of them)

Fairy: And so you shall.

First Pepperpot: Ooh, a fairy!

Fourth Pepperpot: Are you a shagging fairy?

Fairy: Shut the fuck up.

Pepperpots: Ooh.

Fairy: And so you shall! (Goes to wave wand, realises it's in the wrong hand) Hang on. (Transfers wand to right hand and waves it.)

After the piece on "Pythonland", it continued with these links:

Links
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

City Gent: Yes but what I want to know is: did he drown?

(Cut to the Peter Sissons Interview studio.)

Peter Sissons: And just to remind you of the climax of this evening's viewing: I'll be in conversation here in the studio with all the surviving Pythons. So stay tuned, and stay up.

(Cut to Carol, wearing comedy breasts, feathers hat, green wellies etc., in front of a weather map with the Python 'foot' instead of weather symbols)

Carol: Going down, fooey! Going up, I call it.

Gumbies: Dumbing about! Dumbing around! Dumbing... Dumbing up!(etc)

Mastermind
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

(Cut to set of Mastermind, signature tune "Approaching Menace" as usual)

Magnus (Michael): Hallo, and welcome to Mastermind, which was very popular once. Our first contender tonight - I've started so I'll finish - is Mr Onan van der Goy of Leicester (van der Goy (Terry G) arrives and sits in the famous chair) Mr van der Goy, you've chosen as your special subject, "Mathematical problems to which the answer is 2". You have five minutes starting from now.

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: No, you must let me ask the question first.

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: Will you wait for the question please.

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: Mr der Goy, wait for the question please.

van der Goy: Two!

(Cut to gorillas in the forest watching Mastermind on TV)

Magnus: No, Mr der Goy

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: I know you know the answer; I have to ask you the question. (Cut back to Mastermind)

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: These are the rules. Mr van der Goy...

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: I haven't a... Please

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: No

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: Mr van der Goy

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: Stop

van der Goy: Two!

Magnus: Please

van der Goy: Two! Two! Two! (Magnus can't take any more and starts crying)

Up Your Gorilla
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

(Cut back to gorillas. Behind them in the trees are TV boxes, white goods etc. Mr van der Goy containues to say "Two" on the TV. Gorilla 2 turns it off with the remote)

Gorilla 1 (Terry J): (disappointed) Oh!

Gorilla 2 (Michael): Bloody Dian Fossey and all that "Save the Gorillas" lot. I mean, it's nice to have the money, but how many TVs and Air fucking miles does a gorilla need?

Gorilla 1: Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Gorilla 2: I mean we don't need a shopping channel or a fourth run film channel, or a sports premium up your arse twenty-five quid a bloody month to see your team get beaten by Manchester United channel.

Gorilla 3 (Terry G): Yeah, but I like the documentaries.

Gorilla 2: All we need are a pile of leaves and somewhere to shit. We don't need fucking television (throws remote down).

Gorilla 1: I don't think it's been as good since Des Lynam left anyway.

Gorilla 2: If they really wanted to save us gorillas, they'd send us the guns and let us defend ourselves

Gorilla 1: What, against Des Lynam?

Gorilla 2: No, against poachers.

Gorilla 3: Is Des Lynam a poacher?

Gorilla 1: He's been poached by ITV.

Gorilla 3: Oh.

Gorilla 2: Shut up about Des Lynam, we're gorillas!

Gorilla 1: Are we?

Gorilla 3: I thought we were orangutans.

Gorilla 2: We are not orangutans. We don't look remotely like orangutans.

Gorilla 3: You don't look much like a gorilla.

Gorilla 2: Look, if you spent less time watching that rubbish, you wouldn't forget who you are. Let's throw it away.

Gorilla 1: Oh, no, no, there might be a special, like thirty years of Des Lynam or something.

Gorilla 2: Oh Christ. I'm going skiing. (picks up skis and leaves)

Gorilla 3: Was that a punchline?

Gorilla 1: Not in Monty Python. (Gorilla 3 tries to turn TV on with remote, unsuccessfully, then throws it down in frustration.)

Comedy Vote
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

(Cut to Peter Sissons studio)

Peter Sissons: This is Peter Sissons reminding you that at 12:30 I'll be talking to the Monty Python team, their first time together on BBC for a quarter of a century. So, stay tuned,

(BBC2 logo hanging from a piece of string)

Voice Over (John): Next on BBC2, a chance for you all to vote on your all-time favourite comedy show. (Expanding caption "Comedy of the Millenium") Just phone the number if one of these is your favourite show.

(Rolling captions, ten lines all listing 'Men Behaving Badly' with a different phone number) And now, comedy shows made before John Bird was made Director General. (Captions: 'Hancock', 'Steptoe and Son', 'Dad's Army', 'Porridge', 'Last of the Summer Wine', 'Yes Minister', 'Only Fools and Horses', 'Likely Lads', 'Up your Gorillas', 'Call 01632 96000096945744 605 877 236 455 after 10.00 pm and ask for Neil')

BBC2 or BBC1
 
As featured in the 30th Anniversary theme night on BBC2
 

The sketch:

(BBC2 logo, being filled up with orange liquid)

Voice Over (Michael): And now over on BBC1, the Nine O'Clock News, lots of stories about British people complaining about things, and ferries sinking in the Philippines, while here on BBC2...

Terry J: It's not fair

Michael: What?

Terry J: It's not fair

Michael: What isn't

Terry J: They always get to be BBC1

John: We're just as good

Michael: But they are BBC1

John: Well, only because they say they are. I mean, we should be BBC1 sometimes.

Terry J: Yes, our turn!

Michael: All right. This channel is now BBC1.

John: For the rest of the evening.

Terry J: And tomorrow. (A hand peels off the BBC2 logo)

Michael: Despite what they're saying over on BBC1

John/Terry J: Two! Two!

Michael: ...on BBC2

(another hand holds a red balloon with "BBC ONE" written in felt tip pen on it as the new logo), this is BBC1.

John: And as part of the Monty Python 30th Anniversary celebrations here on BBC1, we are proud to present Monty Python's Life of Brain. (sic) (Hand lets go of balloon, which deflates pathetically)

Gumbies: Brian! Brian! Brian!

The evening then continued with a screening of "Life of Brian".

Eric Idle lounges in L.A., Python Night.