o l d n e w s
October 30, 2001: 
GARRETT SAYS -- Orange Cow Productions releases this week --
BEAUTIFUL ZELDA: Officially the last movie Garrett's made, this 16mm, 5-minute film short premiered saturday the 27th in a nice big theater [108] at the George Lucas Building at USC, with over a hundred people in attendance to watch this and 8 other really amazing short films. The quality was high, we played last and the people I was with actually said we were best ... Garrett happy.
http://orangecow.org/lamovies/zelda.html
I shoulda posted here thursday, we had the final sound mix that day, and that was the moment when the movie was well and truly done and working PERFECTLY. It was mixed in a small dubbing theater, with Midge Costin, a USC faculty member who has edited the sound effects on all of Jerry Bruckheimer's films, in attendance. When she heard what we'd done with the sound, she gave a big smile and said "Congratulations. No notes." GodDAMN, Garrett happy.
Yeah, I worked my ass off on the sound for this one. This is the most I've ever worked on a film's sound -- it was shot silent so I had to create it all in post and foley. The cornerstone is an amazing score by Greg Nicolett [gregnicolett.com], the most ambitious score of even all the ambitious student films that played in the theater that day. More on this in a moment, first a few more releases:
WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WADE [dir Maureen McGinnis]: Maureen shot "Beautiful Zelda" for Garrett, now Garrett's shooting this for Maureen. Shooting began saturday. Well, saturday. Another black and white 16mm short, this one follows many members of the Wade family as they literally kill each other over a large inheritance. It's a large ensemble piece with one hook -- every family member is played by the same actor.
MOON BEAST 2: No "Will There's a Wade" site up, but pictures taken inbetween takes on the "Wade" shoot were used to create this web-only project. Check it out here.
THE CANCER [working title, dir Jonathan Block]: Garrett costars with Jason Walsh in this story of an anti-smoking documentary gone horribly wrong. The movie is made to seem like a documentary made by a non-smoker about a smoker. But it's actually intended to make a point about how smokers are persecuted in society. Non-smoker Garrett Gilchrist plays non-smoker Garrett Reid, who eventually turns psychotic, and, well, see the movie. Currently in the editing/reshooting stage, much of the dialogue was improvised by Garrett and Jason. Garrett's over-the-top character here should seem slightly familiar to fans of "The Animal Game." Jonathan Block appeared in and worked on Garrett's student films "Music for the Mind Ballet" and "Stripped Away."
"FRIDAY NIGHT" [dir. Jonathan Block] - An important subplot starring Garrett's girlfriend Mariana McConnell [and Garrett] was originally deleted from Jonny Block's third student film, the downbeat story of three college students who put all their hopes into a night of partying. Actually, Jonathan was unable to edit the film the way he wanted, panicked, said he hated his film and released a very poorly-edited version of the film to the class. Garrett stole the footage from the film and reedited it to fix the film's pacing and story problems. The Mariana segments were added back in. Jonathan was shocked at how well the movie worked when Garrett recut it, and has been showing it to everyone in sight. The good news is that Cori Haisler and Jamie "Reoke" Odum, stars of Garrett's student flicks, are in the flick, along with Sean Carr and lots of other friends. Yeah, and Garrett's in it too, making out with his girlfriend. Geez. By the way, Garrett always seems to wind up in Jonathan Block films playing a villain named "Garrett." Great. Garrett's cut 7.5 minutes or so?
ROB KEITH SCI-FI PROJECT -- Garrett donated the famous Gerald and Ford alien masks from "Dr. Fred's The Phantom Movie" to a student film by noted local director Rob Keith (whose Industrial Dance parties are, coincidentally, the setting and inspiration for that last entry, "Friday Night" ... and the place where I met my girlfriend Mariana) ... Rob is currently having a nervous breakdown ... what, he's better now? Ok, Rob may shoot this one soon. He's already shot some of it.
PERVERT GOES HOME [dir. Jay Bauman] -- Still shooting random stuff for this off and on. I'll mail the tapes to you soon Jay.
BREAKFOOT -- An ancient OCP idea, originally developed for an [aborted] novel about a young up and comer who gives up his identity in search of the mentorship and money of a boring old man, has been resurrected as a 15-page screenplay treatment. This is basically written now.
GODS OF LOS ANGELES -- 30 pages written. Very happy with the script so far. You wanna read it, ask me. I wanna shoot this movie. I don't have a camera. When I have a camera I will shoot something. Probably this. Bah. Ah well. I have talked to Cori Haisler about playing the lead, a role written for her. She has been scarred by bad directors recently, however. She has had to do too many bad student films of late, and is just plain disenchanted with film acting. GODDAMNIT ... I trusted these guys with Cori and they BROKE her .... aieeee .... but I can give her REAL ROLES to play, and though she's taking a break now I'm sure she'll come out of retirement for OCP. =) If we ask nice. Hopefully. Yeah.
--
Anyway, a little more about this 16mm screening. The spliced-together-manually prints, beat-up as they were, looked beautiful on the bigscreen. The sound was wonderfully loud and bold. All films should sound this good. The attempt by most members of the class was to emulate/outdo Hollywood sound design, and I think we pulled it off. In attendance with me were the OCP west posse -- Mariana McConnell, Jaimie Nakae, Jason Porath, Maureen McGinnis. I had a minor hand in post production on some of these films, so here's a nice list for those of you unlucky enough to have missed a great show. All films 5 min. --
"Wading for Godot" by Doug Spice -- Impeccably shot visuals enhance this spoof of pretentious art films, which jumps from the sea to Ernest Hemingway's place to Vietnam [war scenes pulled off flawlessly] until our leads pull out big guns and shoot the hell out of Godot. They high-five each other as 80s music plays. Utter nonsense, and fun.
"Prompt Arrival" by Maren Olson -- A drunkard, working as a driver for a mental hospital, loses his patient and decides to replace him.
"Amor Silencio" by Jamie Kurihara -- A mother regrets not spending more time with her daughter as she lies dying after a car accident -- they share a final moment together. Beautiful non-verbal performances. I helped supervise foley on this one.
"The Bend Sinister" by Richard Ching -- A librarian is led to his doom by visions of a dead wife. Jaw-dropping visuals, including great dolly work and grave sets. Creepy stuff.
"Float" by Mandy Moran -- Rich white guy self-medicates to dull his life.
"Angel-Eyed She-Devil: The Judy Sullivan Story" by Alex Muniz -- Very funny spoof on 50s "teenage delinquency" films imagines a world where the girl who stays home and studies is seen as the delinquent. Helped out a little on post with this one [faked a telecine using my camcorder].
"Greasepaint" by Jesse Vigil -- Deliria is a HUGELY successful rock star. And so the critics call her a satanist, say she's corrupting our kids. Frustrated, she removes the glam so that no one would recognize her, and just plays her guitar, simply, in the park. Dig the soundtrack.
"Photographing Death" by Victor Santore -- Insane photographer "artist" tries to get a picture of Death itself ... problem for him is, he succeeds. Amazing angles including the best "Vertigo" shot I've ever seen. I did foley work on this one and also provided breath vocals for the lead character and DEATH ... Death being a nice in-joke for those who saw "Mort" =) yeah I like to play death ... due to a screwup in post, my vocals were not in the version shown on saturday. Maybe I'll see a version with them in one of these days.
"Beautiful Zelda" by Garrett Gilchrist -- The robot movie. Love it.
garrett
http://orangecow.org/fredshow
Thanks to all who've ordered Orange Cow tapes lately, your tapes are on the way! And yes, it IS true. I am flat broke, so broke I can't pay for my own meals, so thanks to all who've ordered, you are indeed feeding me for 2 days with each order. So order. =)
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Garrett Gilchrist
http://orangecow.org/fredshow
October 16, 2001: GARRETT SAYS -- 
Set your VCRs, people of Oregon. KBVR-tv will be airing our 90-minute epic Excaliburger, or the Spatula in the Stone at 7PM on October 25th, as part of Alan Winston's amateur movie showcase. Alan's a terrific guy and you can see him in the opening scene of Ghost Busted. Expect more Orange Cow fun from KBVR in the future, as the station has most of our movies in its library. If you're lucky enough to get KBVR you're already seeing great amateur movies on shows like "Delusions of Grandeur" and "Fade to Black." You lucky Oregonian bastards.
Now, on to some real news. Original Orange Cow Productions star and Dr. Fred cowriter David Ashe has been in Florida for a while now. He's penned original scripts like the classic "Campus of Doom" and the perhaps-less-classic "Syndicate." He made a small promo video for a local production of West Side Story. But despite his 50% stake in the Dr. Fred movies he has yet to mount a large-scale original production. (I said mount.)
Until now.
Mr. Ashe checks in this week with a new script entitled "To Film School! (or, The Killer Machines Have My Car Keys)." A spoof of student/administration politics at the film school he didn't get into, it follows a band of ragtag rebels as they attempt to shoot, without school funding or support, a light-hearted musical about killer robots sent from the future to eliminate humanity. Ashe actually plans to shoot this thing folks, the script is described by me as "unfinished and funny as fuck", and let's all wish him luck in his first solo venture.
Here in L.A., I'll report in with the happy news that our first 16mm short, "Beautiful Zelda," is basically finished including music by Greg Nicolett who scored "Excaliburger." [Greg has posted the theme at his mp3.com site.] It premieres on the 27th here at USC.
http://orangecow.org/lamovies/zelda.html
Editing on "The Animal Effect" is stalled because I was using USC's equipment to do it and they don't seem to like that much at the moment. I finished up to Ben Sipprell's scene [about 46 minutes into the film]. Goddamn, I need my own editing facilities. Anyone I'm sending tapes to of late will probably see some of this footage sometime. I rather like it. I am unsure if "Mort" will still get an ending now, but it's more finished than it was, if that's any consolation. I was going to finally put in the scene that explains the whole pearl thing. Ah, fuck it, read the book.
I am currently, as we speak even, writing a new feature-length script ... this would be the much-discussed-already "Gods of Los Angeles." A drama/comedy about a mentally ill young woman who may turn out to be a modern prophet, this is my favorite of several scripts I am considering to become Orange Cow's next feature, the first since 2000's "Excaliburger" and "The Animal Effect." Whatever we make, I assure you it will be different from what you've seen from OCP before. I have approached Cori Haisler about playing the lead but am still without a decent camera so I'm far from able to shoot this thing yet. (However, the good people at Linn Productions have expressed interest in possibly helping out on that end ...)
If "Gods" doesn't take off, our next film could be "Action Heroes Are People Too" (featuring a David Ashe segment entitled "Gorr"
, "The Island of Dr. Moron" (a "classy Vincent Price sort of horror comedy", or hell, even the much-delayed "Musical of the Living Dead" which is scheduled to shoot next summer.
On the 16mm film front, I'm about to start shooting on our second one of those suckers, written and directed by Maureen McGinnis. A dark comedy tentatively titled "Where There's a Will There's a Wade," the 5-minute black and white film short would follow a large family of golddiggers as they literally kill each other over an inheritance. The interesting thing about this short is that the entire family is played by the same actor ...
I have also signed on as "Special Effects Supervisor" for Rob Keith's next movie, undaunted by the fact that Rob cut most of my work out of his last one, a World War II drama short starring Colin Brown. Rob describes it as a "Rockabilly Space Epic" in the vein of 50s horror films and the Tim Burton flop "Mars Attacks!"
The great thing about this flick? Gerald and Ford. That's right, the wisecracking aliens played by Dave and I in the 1999 classic "Dr. Fred's The Phantom Movie" are slated to return ... well, their likenesses anyway. The same masks used in TPM will become Rob's aliens. As Gerald himself would say, "Groovy." Any chance of a real Gerald and Ford film in the future? Dave and I really want to do one, but we're separated by a whole coast sadly. However, Dave approached me a while back about a possible Dr. Fred 4. I LIKE this idea now. We should call it "Please, No More Star Wars Parodies."
My girlfriend Mariana McConnell and I were also cut out of Jonathan Block's last movie, "Friday Night." After hearing that the film was a flop without us [coincidence?] and Jonathan planned to destroy the whole thing, I have stolen the footage and refuse to return it until I have captured our unused scenes in their entirety.
Meanwhile, I've been doing a shitload of shooting for Jay [Blanc Screen Cinema] Bauman's next movie, "Pervert Goes Home." In addition to a disturbing opening sequence (and later dream sequence) featuring Mariana and the bad actor who's typing this, the movie will also now feature cameos from the stars of my student flicks (and some Florida guy). I'd tell you more, but that's Jay's job, and he ain't saying shit until this shock masterpiece comes out. Check it, yo.
http://www.angelfire.com/movies/blancscreencinema/pervert.html
I've also made plans to contribute voices to TWO brilliant feature-length Mike [Gmp Pictures] Stoklasa scripts I've recently read. But Stokes is more interested in getting Cori's voice. Bastard. The titles and content of both scripts are top-secret, but ... maybe you've already guessed part of it. You guys are gonna LOVE this shit.
Orange Cow was referenced in the end credits of Mike's last movie, "The Long Walk Home," which I did some artwork for on the web [not in the movie, but Mike assures me that he parodies the many continuity errors of "Excaliburger" at times in the film].
Check out Garrett's cameo appearance in "Transients," now available from Random Foo Pictures --
http://www.randomfoo.com
I get my ass kicked by Mike Stoklasa in it!
"Transients" is the film parodied in our movie "Ghost Busted," which was shot at the same time as Transients and uses the same actors.
Watch GHOST BUSTED online!
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Garrett Gilchrist
http://orangecow.org/fredshow
October 11, 2001: I was in at least three movies this week, so Orange Cow is as disgustingly busy as usual. But now I hear people are cutting my bits out of their movies. It's a coincidence that apparently has nothing to do with the quality of my work, but that scene I shot for Rob Keith's WWII film, featuring Rob himself as a Nazi? Rob reshot it to remove himself from the film and cast someone else. Even though he agrees that my camerawork etc. in the original was a lot better. And my girlfriend Mariana McConnell was a star of Jonathan Block's recent movie about relationships, and I also appeared in a few scenes, but due to time concerns he cut the film down to one main plot, and Mariana's entire storyline was jettisoned! Plog. He may cut a full version for his own use, he agrees that it worked better with all the storylines in. Bastard. Well, at least Mariana and I are still in Jay Bauman's upcoming Pervert Goes Home ... I ... wait, you CUT us Jay? The scene wasn't WORKING? Not our FAULT? FUCK YOU ...
[sounds of knife fighting ensue]
September 20, 2001: Our Short Films section is updated with info on our latest movie, Beautiful Zelda. I'd talk about it, but the page really says it all. I also, risking serious embarrassment to myself, have put up a page of childhood pictures. I've been avoiding putting that stuff up for a while now.
I am hoping to shoot a new movie, "Gods of Los Angeles," sometime before the world ends. In the meantime, I've been helping people (like Jonathan Block) on whatever movies they're doing. I'm about to shoot a short scene for Blanc Screen Cinema's latest movie, "Pervert Goes Home." Director Jay Bauman and I previously worked together on Torgo and the Quest for Fuck and Ghost Busted ... quite a feat considering he's in Wisconsin and I'm in L.A. ... Another former Orange Cow regular is, uh, rumored to have one line in the movie. Those, uh, rumors are correct.
So Film Threat, who trashed our The Phantom Movie with a 1 1/2 star review, has just trashed our Excaliburger with a ONE-STAR review. Actually, the review is a weird personal attack where this woman, Amy Scott, who never met me, says she wants to "chop" me with a hatchet. Spooky stuff. So Film Threat still doesn't like us, comedy, or life. Weird as this stupid review is the funniest thing I've read in a while. I'd like to thank all the people at rewindvideo.com who, after reading this review, wrote me to say they thought Excaliburger was an "EXCELLENT film" and went on making fun of Film Threat and Amy Scott for days on end. Thanks guys, you've made my week.
September 6, 2001:
Well, I didn't win anything at the 2001 Rewind Media Awards in Rapid City, South Dakota this past July, but I did have a plogload of fun. Our The Phantom Movie was up for Best Comedy, but lost to Bravado's "The End, Part 2." We did, however, recieve honorary nominations for our recent short work which was ineligible for the festival because USC owns it. Stripped Away picked up Best Actress (Cori Haisler) and Best Actor (Richard T. Havens), and Mort was also honorarily honored, for Best Sound. And, of course, our greatest comic epic yet, EXCALIBURGER, or the Spatula in the Stone (2000) was officially premiered there, on the big screen at the Dahl Fine Arts center. It got a lot of laughs.
I met some incredibly wonderful people at the festival, which was attended by amateur filmmakers from all across North America. I have to give a shout out to Jason and April Santo and the gang at Random Foo Pictures, who were so insanely kind they actually paid for my plane fare to get to South Dakota! Just plain good people, and I don't deserve the hospitality they showed me.
I spent most of the fest hanging out with GMP Pictures' Mike Stoklasa and Blanc Screen Cinema's Jay Bauman, who are just really funny guys who make good movies. I have recently recorded an audio reading of the beginning of Stoklasa's Elf Gas writings. That's an MP3, renamed to 001 because my server doesn't allow MP3s. Rename to MP3 once you've downloaded it, if you download it.
Anyway, the upshot of this is that I met a lot of people, made some friends, and worked on no less than three short films while I was up there - Jason Santo's "Transients," Jay Bauman's "Torgo and the Quest for Fuck", and my own "Ghost Busted." The last two are not only comedies, but they're AVAILABLE TO WATCH ONLINE! Watch them! It's just plain great entertainment. Check it out at The Shorts.
Well, I was bored over the summer, and wound up recorded no less than eleven episodes of the stupidest radio show ever created. That's right, I did my own radio series, Fastforward Radio, and it's ... well, different. The idiotic character I created to host this show, well, I rather like him and may wind up using him in a standup act. I know it's hard to listen to such silliness, but episodes 8 and 11 are classic Orange Cow comedy. No really.
So what am I doing now? I'm back at USC, and this weekend I begin shooting my first 16mm short. It's five minutes long, black and white, has almost no dialogue, and is entitled "Beautiful Zelda." The heartwarming story of a young artist and his pet robot, it stars Volcano Todd, Jaimie Nakae and a robot. I'm writing and directing it with Maureen McGinnis as cinematographer. We will switch roles for the next short.
Here are some pictures from Jaimie Nakae's costume test for the dream version of Zelda, SPACE GODDESS and star of her own comic book. These pics were used as the basis for drawings that will appear in the film. (Hey, I can call it a "film" now ...)
If I have time between this 16mm silliness, I am planning a new, top-secret feature. I am debating between several scripts for this feature, including "Gods of Los Angeles" ... I will be writing a new screenplay very shortly, and will be doing some top-secret shooting for a variety of projects (and a variety of directors) ... including, possibly, covert shooting for the long-delayed Musical of the Living Dead.
Virginia-based amateur/semi-pro anime voice actress Kara Dennison, of Best Fishes audio productions, has recently announced that she IS, in fact, going ahead with her (also long-delayed) radio adaptation of my play Easier Than Thinking. She is doing it one act at a time, and says the first act is about 35% recorded. I really have no idea what she's up to, but am quite curious obviously. I recently sent her voice recordings of myself playing the part I originated back on the Monroe, CT stage, Ian Martini ... so whatever it is, when it's finished I'll be in it. Kara is a marvelous talent and let's see if she can pull this off. Her recently-announced cast list:
Starring:
Leigh Fitzner -- Floyd Martini
Spaces -- Myrtle Martini
Kara Dennison -- Teal
Ali Quinn -- Dog
Garrett Gilchrist -- Ian Leonard II
Megara -- Deirdre, TV
Tom Keeler -- Lucky Xenon/Kit Yaddow
Back on the east coast, former Dr. Fred star and cowriter David Ashe has landed safely at Florida State University. David recently directed a short, silent film for the Masuk summer theater production of "West Side Story."
He spent the summer working on screenplays including a short, "Let's Make it Deep" [cowritten with Dan Buzi], and an action feature based on the video game "Syndicate." He is also writing a fantasy epic and a road-trip comedy. David's first feature screenplay was the wonderful, Greenlight-rejected "Campus of Doom."
Justin Bielawa recently wrote an autobiographical short script, "With Anna," about a psychotic who goes on a date with X-men star Anna Paquin.
JUNE 26th, 2001: EXCALIBURGER, or the Spatula in the Stone is finished and ready to order! Geez, another big news announcement this is ... I guess I wouldn't announce it if it weren't big.
You HAVE to see this one, kids. It's been a long wait, fine-tuning and previewing for nearly a year now after the shoot in August 2000, but it's well worth it, because Orange Cow Productions has finally released their medieval fast food sex farce, "Excaliburger, or the Spatula in the Stone!"
Set loosely in medieval times but managing to spoof and reference everything from "Legend" to "Fight Club" to Richard Simmons, "Excaliburger" tells the story of a king who couldn't get it up in bed, which caused the ruin of his kingdom, and the young fast food clerk who must set things right, with the help of David Ashe's Merlin (no, not the famous Merlin, but a powerful sorcerer anyway), and the rightful king, Arthur ... no, not that Arthur. This one's Michelle Caruso fighting ninjas.
12.00 per copy.
Send orders to:
Garrett Gilchrist
922 Tide Court
Carlsbad, CA 92009
All proceeds go to a good cause -- they become the budget of Orange Cow's next movie (see previous news post below) ... That's right, we're broke and we need your help, so order already!
Okay, sorry for that blatant commercialism. But it's a good flick, you'll like it, I'm not embarrassed to plug it. In other news, our 1999 hit The Phantom Movie has been nominated for Best Comedy at the 2001 Rewind Video Awards [see www.rewindvideo.com for the latest] ... ceremonies are being held in Rapid City, South Dakota. My acclaimed student film Stripped Away will be screened, and we'll see if Phantom Movie wins! I am trying to get up there myself for the ceremonies to show people Excaliburger, but it's not looking likely at the moment. Ah well.
MARCH 19th, 2001: Big news here, kids. To start off with, I don't know if you noticed or not, but the entire site's been redesigned! It used to be "Dr. Fred's Exploding Homepage," but now it's "Orange Cow Productions Motion Picture Studio" ... there's a mouthful for you. The good side of this is that we can now report on everything we do here, not just Dr. Fred.
And I'm pleased to report that I've finished up my sophomore semester at USC, and have completed FIVE STUDENT FILMS shot on DV ... at least four of which I'm really really proud of. The titles are "The Hope Dress" (5 min), "Legend of the Lazy Fighters" (10 min), "Music for the Mind Ballet" (16 min), "Stripped Away" (18 min), and an animated short called "Mort," based on a Discworld book by Terry Pratchett (unfinished, in the 20 minute range). USC won't let me post them on this website, otherwise I'd have them here for you all to download, but let's just say I learned a LOT about how to make a better movie this semester. I made some huge steps and created some real drama as opposed to comedy, an interesting challenge for me. I won't talk these movies up but they're really something, a quantum leap forward for me in many ways. I've included some of the West Coast friends who made these movies with me on the webpage alongside the classic Fred faces ... I thought it was only fitting. And with all I've learned, if you thought the old OCP flicks were great, wait'll you see the next one I do!
Speaking of the next OCP flick, I was supposed to have some good news to report to you all by now, but as it turns out I don't. I was planning to go back to Connecticut this summer to shoot a new movie, like last summer with Excaliburger, but David Ashe says he's too busy this summer, and I don't want to do an OCP feature without Dave! I was putting a cast together and wrote a script which I am now rewriting, and this movie will happen, it WILL be shot sometime. Just not now. It's officially postponed, perhaps until next summer. We will upgrade to Digital Video for this feature [OCP's eighth] ... the hokey, primitive editing system and hi-8 video used for our previous movies was cute in a low-budget way, but it gives me a huge headache and I know I'm capable of more now, so next time we're doing it the professional way. If you haven't heard the title yet, brace yourself ... you ready? It's going to be called MUSICAL OF THE LIVING DEAD. All singing, all dancing, all zombie-fighting.
Oh, and more importantly, when will last summer's Excaliburger finally be released? Well, by the end of THIS summer, hopefully. I'm editing it now, at last, using the same primitive system I used to edit Phantom Movie. This will be the last of the old-school Fredfilms, folks, and though it's a headache to edit this way [hence the delay], it'll be worth it when you all finally get to see this one. It's even better than Phantom Movie, it is ... really.
More news as it comes, and please write us at TygerBug@lycos.com if you can get Fred shown in your area!
