Things I Say

[Garrett Gilchrist]

[These are getting old now, this was 3 months ago:]


Milla Jovovich gives birth to her second daughter with Paul WS Anderson. To presumably be followed by at least four more daughters every couple of years, and you think, “Huh. They’re still making those?”

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Galaxy Quest, but with the cast of Firefly.

[This was four months ago. "Con Man," which is that, was announced not long after.]

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Avengers spoilers: Spider-Man and Black Widow team up to eat bugs

[Garrett Gilchrist]

The Fresh Produce of Bel Air

[Garrett Gilchrist]

WB executive: “Can we make Superman cool somehow? Give him a Fortress of Attitude?”

[Garrett Gilchrist]

I’m running for President for the GOP. The Koch Brothers have paid me 500 million dollars to say that I’m so poor, I wear cigar boxes on my feet and wash myself with a rag on a stick. I slaughter pigs out back at my night job in the biscuit line at Hardee’s. I’m too poor to know how to read, but I own ten hundred guns which I use to shoot people who look like criminals. I eat mostly Cheez Wiz with bacon bits which I buy at Wal-mart. AMERICA!
[Harvard diploma made out of pure gold falls out of pocket] Heh heh, how did that get in there

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Dear Hollywood: There are other colors than teal and orange. Removing all natural color from your films makes them look like garbage. This will be the first thing people make fun of in future decades when this nightmare finally ends.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

It’s amazing that two actors as different as Warwick Davis and Alyson Hannigan could successfully take on the same role and make it their own.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

“Boy, those Lord of the Rings movies were something special. I wish Peter Jackson would come back and adapt The Hobbit.”
(Cursed monkey’s paw glows and clenches)
“No wait –”

[Garrett Gilchrist]

“Holy infant so tender and mild?”
IT’S A COOKBOOK