Things I Say

[Garrett Gilchrist]

“How’s Annie?” - Kyle MacLachlan, asking your opinion of the 2014 film starring Quvenzhané Wallis and Jamie Foxx.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

We dream now of the middle class life that so many films and TV shows called a death sentence.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

For all of Sony’s talk about dumb Spider-man reboots and spinoffs, they missed the idea that’s a license to print money. Emma Stone as Spider-Gwen. Get on it, Marvel.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

“So no Pepper, she’s not coming?” Agent Hill asked as Tony walked up. Then she turned to Thor. “What about Jane? Where are the ladies, gentlemen?”
“Oh, Miss Potts has a company to run,” replied Tony.
“Yes, I’m not even sure what country Jane’s in,” said Thor. “Her work on the convergence has made her the world’s foremost astronomer.”
“And,” said Tony, “the company that Pepper runs is the biggest tech conglomerate on Earth.”
“There’s even talk of Jane getting a Nobel Prize,” Thor mentioned casually.
“Yeah, they must be busy,” said Hill, sighing, “because they’d hate missing you guys getting together.” Under her breath, she coughed the word “testosterone,” then excused herself from the conversation.
Tony wondered aloud if Agent Hill needed a lozenge for that cough. Thor muttered aloud that Jane was better.
“And how about you, Bruce?” asked Natasha. “Where’s Betty?”
Bruce looked at her quizzically. “Becky?”
“Betty. You know, dark-haired girl.”
Bruce scratched his head. “Betty who?” Strange, thought Natasha. He must know a lot of Betties.
“Betty Ross. Has an asshole general of a father called Thunderbolt Ross.”
“That name sounds familiar, but I don’t remember a Becky.”
“Betty. Your assistant. Also your girlfriend. For years. You saved her from the Abomination. You ran off to a mountain and she calmed you down and that night is why you still hate lightning.”
“I don’t …” Bruce stammers. “Wasn’t that the other guy?”
“The Hulk, yes.”
“No, the other guy.” Bruce looked around nervously. “I never watched that movie.”

[Garrett Gilchrist]

There are seven days in the week.
“Someday” isn’t one of them.

But “Sunday” is three of them.
Sunday Sunday Sunday

[Garrett Gilchrist]

From leaked Sony emails:

Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever market research commands. Is he into #EDM? Yes he is, but it’s #NBD. Hashtag! Focus group Spider-Man.
Is he strong? Brand recognition’s high, with males age 20 to 55. But we could be doing more, with males age 5 up to 24. Look out! We’re marketing Spider-Man!
In the chill of the night, at the scene of a crime, product placement rights will include Bud Light Lime.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

It says a lot that the Republican position is that the poor are lazy and should simply pull themselves up by their bootstraps – a phrase that was coined to mean something that’s impossible to do. If you pull at your own bootstraps you don’t levitate; that’s the point of the phrase. The question becomes, do you want to believe that Republicans don’t know what the phrase means, or that they do?

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Never allow evil to lower your standards for what you’ll accept as “good.” Don’t pat yourself on the back for merely being better than bad. We can carve out a better world if we believe it.

[Garrett Gilchrist]

Batman vs Superman vs Cookie Monster: Prairie Dawn of Justice

[Garrett Gilchrist]

From a director who isn’t Edgar Wright, Marvel’s Phase IV begins with their newest superhero blockbuster. Paul Rudd is Aunt-Man! A man with the proportional strength and powers of your aunt.
Watch as he redecorates the downstairs to have a sort of Southwestern feel, and the upstairs to feel like the seaside! Come along on this hero’s journey as he goes thrifting for some turquoise jewelry because it’s coming back in style, you watch, and then later we’ll swing by the farmer’s market. Exchange pleasantries with him twice a year at family events!
Aunt-man! Coming July 2015, there’s a lamb casserole in the oven. Don’t look at me like that. Try it, you’ll like it.